Why I got so upset...

So tonight I did something that I haven't done in a very long time.   I cried.  I don't know why I get so emotional sometimes.  I had a couple of blow ups at poker before with Brian a long time ago but it was always on the way out never in the middle of the game where I had the chip lead.  So tonight I stayed and played.  Even with tears running down my face.  I was a little embarrassed, but sometimes you can't help it and just need a good cry.  It was funny my table got broken up so I moved to another table and no one from my table moved to the same table and George was saying something about me being still sick because I had the sniffles.  Then Mike was like do you have allergies?  It looks like your eyes are really bothering you... I was like no duh they'd be red if I were crying and at that point I broke down again and everyone was like awww don't cry. lol I felt stupid but I couldn't help it.  Even as I think about it again I can feel tears building up... but I do want to blog about this... so let's start from the beginning. 

It started when Gary and Audie were in a hand.  Gary raised, Audie called, after the flop it was J, low, low and Gary pushed and Audie called.  Gary flips over pocket Q's and Audie shows A,J.  sure enoguh on the river Audie hits his 3rd Jack.   You could tell Gary was really unhappy.  He said he couldn't get people off of their hands and I don't blame Audie for calling with top pair top kicker.  True it sucked for Gary, but that one you just have to let go.  Well Audie was kind of joking around with Gary saying something about how Gary put his head down and laughed and then Gary got all defensive and short with Audie.  I've actually never seen Gary like that... he kept saying "Audie just stop" I was about to turn off and tell Audie to shut up, but he shut up himself realizing Gary was not in a mood to joke.   So that kind of put Gary on tilt and the story progresses from there...

Gary was in a hand and an Ace hit, he pushes all in and Tim thinks about it and says no and shows A,7 and I was like oh I would've called, Gary's on tilt, and Gary said yes I am I'll show you and he flips over A,2.   So a couple hands later he raises.  I look down at 8,9 of clubs.   Blinds are 300/600 and there's a little blind, big blind, and 1 limper.  Before Gary raises I think to myself ooh, I like suited connectors.  I think I'm going to min bump it.  So when Gary raises to 2100 I'm like dang... I really wanted to play this hand.  I say it out loud too... I said ok it's a little over 3 times the blind would I normally call a raise with these cards and normally I probably wouldn't but I had a huge chip stack probably close to 25,000 and I really wanted to see a flop with it.  I even said to Gary I said wow, this would probably put you on worse tilt if I called and hit with this hand... so sorry about it, but "loose call".  I announced I was making a loose call... Then Debbie calls... Flop was Kd,Qd,lowd.  I'm thinking dang that hit no where near me the instant someone bets I'm out... Gary checks, I check, Debbie checks.  I'm thinking man, bad move Gary if you have a pocket pair you should be pushing with your last 2500... So turn is an 8.  Everyone checks again.  River is a 9 and everyone checks.  At that point I didn't want to bet.  I said I'm sorry but I think I just went runner runner to win... I flipped my hand over and that's where things got bad.   Oh before that hand was even over I forgot when Gary raised he said "2100- this is not an I'm on tilt bet"  he said he remembered last time when I cracked his Aces with 7,9.   I didn't realize he had Aces again, but oh well... so here's where things start to get worse. 

So I'm stressed out from work and everything going on and trying to get everything ready for Vegas so I'm already on edge.  I can't remember everything that was said but Gary didn't like my call.. and I kind of argued with him that he has to bet that flop.  I said when you raise pre-flop and even though 3 diamonds come out you have to see where you are... if you check it you let people catch up.  Basically Gary said "you would've called had I bet the flop".  I was trying to argue that I wouldn't have.  I'm not a donkey player.  I consider myself one of the better players in teh league and I put Gary up there as a good player too.  So that frustrated me that he said I would've called... maybe Debbie would've called if she had a diamond in her hand and actually now that I think about it there was 7800 in the pot so if he pushes for 2500 and I have a diamond I'm getting 4-1 on my money so I probably do call.   But either way I didn't have a diamond.  So it was his fault that he didn't bet to make me fold.  He also made some sort of comment like "plays like this is why I'm not coming back next season- I'm only going to play 1 game a week" I said I agree with you that earlier in the season I wanted to quit because of the donkey players.   He said that you don't get that kind of play in cash games then a lot of people tried to start arguing about how there are donkey players every where.  But Gary didn't want to listen, he was saying no it's only this league.  blah blah blah.   I finally got tired of arguing.   It was break time so I set my chips aside to color up and I heard Gary talking to Tim about the hand I called with.  So then I tried to defend my play again... I got up and told Brian the whole story, but even as Brian came over I heard Gary talking to Wayne about it and Wayne said yeah Brian likes to play that too... so anyways I walk away from my chips and come back and I only had 10k in whites in front of me when I had 16k set out plus Tino took more of my blacks.  Luckily Sharon said something too and I remembered counting 32,500 or 33,500 before I left so they gave me another 12,000 I was shorted.  So that kind of frustrated me too...

So all of a sudden I have all of this stuff going through my head... Gary's words and I know it wasn't supposed to be directed so much at me but since I was the one that just sucked out on his Aces with 8,9 clubs it all came at me... "people like you make me want quit... you wouldn't have folded... you beat me with 7,9.... I know how to play poker Anna..." etc.  I was just trying to give him some friendly criticism on how he should've or at least how I would've played the hand.  So maybe I overstepped and argued to much but his words stuck in my head.  It was like he was calling me a bad/donkey player.   I just don't like people to think bad of me.   So all of a sudden it just hit me... I threw my hands up to my face and started bawling.  Debbie said "is she laughing or crying?" and I took my hands down from my face with tears streaming down and folded my cards and ran to the bathroom.  I stayed in there for like 5 minutes.  My face and eyes were so red.   When I came out Gary apologized if anything he said made me upset.  I didn't want to talk about it otherwise I would've lost it again.  But when I sat down he said here's your cards you would've called you were in the little blind and there was a flop.  I didn't even pick up the cards I just threw them into the muck and grabbed the 1k back and threw in my 500 for little blind.  I shouldn't be put in a hand just because someone feels bad for me and says oh you would've called with this.  After the hand was over Gary said I would've hit a staight but I didn't care.  I don't want special attention just because I'm uspet.  If I'm not at the table the rules apply to me just as anyone else.   The hand is mucked.  Shortly after the table broke up and I moved.   Which brings me back to the very beginning of teh story.   So yeah a lot of people saw me upset tonight.  I don't care that much.   I'm sorry that I get so emotional.   Sometimes the littlest stupidest thing can set me off.  Anyone can do it.  I don't have anything against Gary.  I didn't mean to get upset but I did.  It's over with now...

I ended up going on to get 2nd place.  I should've won it but the blinds get so high it's pretty much an all in fest and my A,9 lost to Rob's 10,J.  Rob hit his Jack first, then it turned into a straight, then a flush on the river.  I had some chips left and almost came back but pushing with 10,4 wasn't good against his 7,8.  I hit trip 4's but that's no good when Rob hits a straight.  So oh well.  2nd was good especially considering my emotional state and I thought about just walking out but I toughed it out and I came back and I played.   I don't always play the best poker but I do consider myself a good player.   Yes, my 3.5 times the blind call with only 1.7 to 1 odds was a really loose call.  But at least I say when I know I'm making a loose call.  It wasn't my fault when the hand gets checked down and I go runner runner.. it upset me so much that later when I had 8,9 I didn't even play it for the blind and I would've flopped trips and turned a boat... oh well.   What's done is done... I'm not going to let it bother me anymore.  Hopefully Gary still comes on Sunday to make his card costume.  Although originally Gary was going to help do Jim's and as I was leaving Jim said he was coming with Gary now... lol so I bet Gary asked Jim to go.  It's all good though.  I really can't wait for the Vegas Vacation.  I need a break from work and a break from free poker.   Brian said we can start up the WSOP league when we get back from Vegas so that will be fun.   Ok, that's all for now.  I want to try to start blogging more again...